Thoughts for Words

We both are a member of same facebook group. His name just popped up after few months of not being active. You know social media?! My heart beats fast when I saw his name, I didn't react, pretending to be cool and already got over him, so I just seen his messages to the group. March 12, we saw each other again, it was because of a common friend who gave birth to a cute little boy. One of my friends and me are patiently waiting inside the mall, then he came, I am sitting on a bench near the supermarket while one of my friend is texting where the hell he already is since we're waiting for him for almost an hour that day. Then he came, I knew from afar he's been looking at me, I didn't look back and I suddenly face towards his direction. Before I can still manage to smile, a smile of a thousand watts but at the moment, I didn't even, though I 'd really want to. We accompany him first in buying gift for her cousin. While walking, I kept on moving away from him, I st...

Day by day Memories are now fading But when it strikes It hurts like hell Going paranoid but you need to stand still Please go away Go away from my mind Please...

I am still thinking of him. It's been 3 months since it happened. I wanted to move on but every minute of my life, it is him who I am thinking. It is him who I am always praying to be with. I really wanted to get out of this labyrinth, but I can't. I don't know what am I supposed to do now. I am so depressed....Wishing this would be over soon. Hope I will feel better in days, weeks, months, year. I don't know when. He is driving me crazy. We had closure, through text only. For me it is not yet enough. I want more, I want more from him. I miss him and it's killing me!

I shouldn't have loved you really. I am insane of such illusion. I should've ended it early, then nobody got hurt at all. -Published December 24, 2016

I survived today i didn't texted him. I wish this feelings will be over soon. I cant change the fact that he cant love me. I am giving up my 0.01 percent of chance that someday he will choose me. I've been waiting for him for over 11 months now and i just realized yesterday that this shit is not going anywhere. Whatever I give, whatever i say, no matter how much i express and say that i loved him, he cant choose me. I gave up. I deserve someone better. 

August 2015 The story began when I transfer to another company. I though I will not be able to attend the first day since I had trouble with my medical, good thing I was able to submit the necessary information before the first day starts. August 13, 2015, I first laid my eyes on him, the man who caught my attention for the very first time. The feeling? I can't e x plain, i feel the sparks and everything, the sounds and it was like the time at the moment stops. But he? he didn't even noticed me. Then the day started. Well first day so you need to introduce yourself. I heard his voice for the first time, then I saw his face side view and I was like "so it was him in that way". Well I think it was past 8pm when he first talk to me and my heart it did really skip a bit, his question? He only ask my name and my salary offer , well of course, I did answer and ask the same question as well. I was a bit happy he initiate talking to me first. (well if i know that was just n...

I am now feeling it. I am a looser of love. Loving the person who can't love you back is a total insane. I am aware from the beginning yet I still believe in that 0.1% that he will gonna choose me. I am losing my hope now, there's no any other way but to move on. But how can how can I move on if I am already in love with him? Why he did left me hanging in the dark. There's too many questions to ask but I should ask myself first that why in the beginning you already knew the result why you still push it. And now? you're nothing but a broken girl in a new years day! Feelings suck. I dont want to have it anymore. I hope someday, I will be able to write happy thoughts and share it with everyone.